Review: I Fell In Love With Hope

I quite literally was not planning to blog before I was done with my 18 books before 18, but this book made me effing sob at 1 am. 1 fricking AM, YOU HEAR ME? And I decided, fuck everything, I'mma write a review on this, no God in this world can stop me.

Against the unforgiving landscape of a hospital, I fell in love with a mischievous, sun-eyed boy who became my only joy in that desolate place. That’s what made it all the more soul-crushing when he committed suicide in front of me.

Since then, I've sworn never to love anyone again. With three exceptions: My friends, Sony, Neo, and Coeur, a little gang of rebellious, dying kids. Sony leads the charge with the air of freedom and only one lung to breathe it. Neo, a bad-tempered and wheel-chaired writer, keeps track of our great deeds from stealing to terrorizing our nurse. Coeur is the beautiful boy, the muscle, the gentle giant with a failing heart.

Before death inevitably knocks down our doors, my thieves and I have one last heist planned. A great escape that will take us far from abusive parents, crippling loss, and the realities of our diseases. So what happens when someone else walks through the door? What happens when a girl joins our party and renders me speechless with her mischievous smile? What happens when she has suns in her eyes, and as terrified as I am to lose again, I start to fall?

QUICK THOUGHTS AND REVIEW: 5/5, SOBBING, CRYING, SCREAMING, THE SHEER CONTROL I NEEDED TO PREVENT MY PARENTS FROM KNOWING I WAS READING THIS AT MIDNIGHT.

Possible Trigger Tags:

1. Depression

2. Mentions of mental disorders

3. Mentions of eating disorders

4. Intense physical abuse

5. Gory descriptions of disease

6. Domestic abuse

7. Mentions of self harm

8. Suicide

9. Mentions of rape

WHAT DID I FEEL ABOUT THE  BOOK'S: 

1. Writing Quality: To be honest, the writing style wasn't that much interesting after the prologue. But I did cry after the prologue. But it does get better and I kid you not I was sobbing at random points in the story. So thankful no one saw me crying. Because like, I was full on ugly sobbing. It is kind of easy flowing and does not drag, which was a really good thing, otherwise that would have been a bum.

2. Character Development: It took me a while to get a good pic of the friends here, but here you go I guess.

Sony: She kind of reminds me of Atsumu I guess. She has a larger than life personality and personally, she's my most favourite character after Neo because she literally has only one lung to live her life and yet she's like so happy about everything that happens. And I love that she introduced Sam to chocolate. Plus she's an adrenaline junkie which made me like her all the more.

Neo: Hands down one of my most favourite characters in the whole story. He's sarcastic, makes mean comments and often likes to be the cynical person in the friend group. Pretty sure he's a tsundere or something because he seems mean and harsh from the exterior but inside, he cares a lot from his friends. He knows he's broken and he's come to terms with it but he'll be damned if he lets someone treat him differently because of that and I love that about him. PLEASE JUST GIVE HIM ALL THE LOVE BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HE DESERVES.

C: I wish I could kind of spell his full name without having to look into the doc every single time, it to be kind of easier for me. Ykw, I'll look into the doc again. Coeur. I think it means heart in French, I don't know, my French is terrible. Kinda ironic since he is the one who has a barely functioning heart. He's this gentle giant who only knows how to love and be kind and it's such a beautiful quality that most people do not have. It's sad really, we needed more people like Coeur in this world.

Hikari: Hikari seems to suffer from chronic depression. It seemed as if she was healing during the process that she was friends with Sam and everyone else in the hospital but then relapsed after they started dying one by one. She's often compared with Sam's first love, and I think I can see why. They share the same traits of finding the good in everything and having this innate curiosity which they like to fill with imagination. It's sad to see her lapse like that after Neo's death but she's a strong girl.

Sam: The boy who our protagonist fell in love with. It did feel weird addressing the both of them as Sam, but oh well. This Sam was also a victim of depression I guess. And I think he was also suffering from SCID [severe combined immunodeficiency disease] even though it's not clearly mentioned in the book, but the symptoms do point in that direction.  He kind of is a mixture between Sony and Hikari, always looking on to the bright side of everything. But I do think that it was just a facade for Sam to actually hide the depression that has been killing him from inside? Maybe he was trying to fight his depression by finding the good in things and giving life to inanimate objects and just decided to die when he couldn't fight anymore. Seems like a nice chap to me though.

Sam [the protagonist]:  Of course, the protagonist is either the last to die or does not die. And I kind of do feel sad for Sam, because he cannot die, and has to watch all his friends and loved ones die. And I think he's the one who's suffering the most because watching all your friends die before you is painful. Plus he's an ageless, nameless, genderless entity, the vibes of which I kind of dig. Since he's basically the hospital's soul, I think that's a wonderful idea. I love how he gets to know about the things in life because his friends are always there to teach him. And it's heartbreaking to see him breaking down like that. I love him so much.

But what I love about these the most is that they're like the most relatable and I love them a lot. And they're just really loveable and I just want to keep them in my pocket because I love them so much.  And the fact that the main focus was also on the flaws of characters which is great.

3. Couldn't put it down- Ness: 10/10. I DO NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE ELSE THINKS.

4. Intellectual Depth: I don't know what the intellectual depth of this is. But fuck me because I kept dreaming about it and fucking hell. It's such a beautiful piece and fricking hell I can't stop thinking about it. Maybe it's about accepting Death and believing in the good things in life even though there is always bad stuff waiting to happen. And I think that's the lesson I guess.

5. Plot: I'll be very honest, the plot gave me immense Five Feet Apart vibes. Like plot wise HUGE. Like if you compared the two, you'll get glaring similarities. [I don't think that's how the word is phrased, it's called glaring discrepancies but I will say it that way and nothing can stop me]. The story's a mix between character driven and plot driven, though one can see that it's mostly plot driven during the beginning and character driven during the end. It does have a very gloomy day atmosphere I guess. Whenever I read this book, I felt like it all takes place on a very grey and gloomy day. Might be because it's a hospital but I did feel like that.

OVERALL, A GREAT READ, make this book popular already.