Review: My Dark Vanessa

I fell into a really bad reading slump after I finished the Daevabad trilogy. I even tried to blog it, but then it messed with my head so much I had to call it quits after writing half a half-assed review. And then it took me a while to finish this book because of slump.

2000. Bright, ambitious, and yearning for adulthood, fifteen-year-old Vanessa Wye becomes entangled in an affair with Jacob Strane, her magnetic and guileful forty-two-year-old English teacher.

2017. Amid the rising wave of allegations against powerful men, a reckoning is coming due. Strane has been accused of sexual abuse by a former student, who reaches out to Vanessa, and now Vanessa suddenly finds herself facing an impossible choice: remain silent, firm in the belief that her teenage self willingly engaged in this relationship, or redefine herself and the events of her past. But how can Vanessa reject her first love, the man who fundamentally transformed her and has been a persistent presence in her life? Is it possible that the man she loved as a teenager—and who professed to worship only her—may be far different from what she has always believed?

QUICK THOUGHTS AND REVIEW: 4.5/5, DARK, EMOTIONAL, HEART WRENCHING.

Possible Trigger Tags:

1. Rape

2. Pedophilia

3. Grooming

4. Gaslighting

5. Sexual assault

6. Suicide

7. Victim Shaming

8. Manipulation

9. Alcohol and substance abuse

WHAT DID I FEEL ABOUT THE  BOOK'S: 

1. Writing Quality: The writing quality won't be much of an interest to me because I was in through a really bad slump and it couldn't evoke much in me. But I do like the fact that it does not drag like it often does with books with first person narration. Though it does fail to provide a deeper insight into Vanessa's mind but that might be something intentional done by the author.

2. Character Development: It was interesting to see different characters throughout the story, however, I'd like to talk about only four of them.

Vanessa: The story being told through Vanessa's perspective, it does give an insight into her mind. She's mature, stubborn and very headstrong, and she refuses to budge from her opinions. She is very guarded in her matters, and is often trying to block others from her mind. This might be the author's attempt to show her aspect of her character where she is walking on eggshells every time she feels like her secret is coming to the light. She's also seen contradicting herself, more often in the past than in the present, where the incidents that she narrates in the past do not line up with the recounting of the present. On some levels it might make sense considering that they're from different age groups: one is a teen while the other is a full grown adult. And adults sometimes are great at lying to themselves and convince themselves otherwise. While Strane is manipulating her, there is also some self manipulation on Vanessa's side that makes her think that she wanted everything.

Jacob Strane: Throughout the book, I don't think I have ever been more disgusted of a man than Jacob Strane. Like seriously, literally the most disgusting piece of shit that I have ever come across. The first few chapters really don't give anything away, but as the chapters come undone, especially from Vanessa's teenage years, it becomes clear that Strane is an extremely pedophilic and manipulative person as well as a pathological liar. [Is that how the term is correctly used though]. He compulsively lies as if it's an instinct that is ingrained into him and it comes off as easily as blinking or breathing. And he knows he has the power of persuasion over young children, considering that he's a teacher. And teachers influence teens by a large scale. Which makes Jacob Strane by far the most dangerous character, one unfit to be around society. I am so glad he decided to jump off a bridge because I would have pushed him off one. 

Taylor: Taylor is one of the victims Strane had that seemed pretty much similar to Vanessa's situation, except he just groped her and Taylor actually decided to speak up about it. Her presence is only limited to Vanessa's present and mostly through her internet actions through this and her reaching out to Vanessa, but she does leave a pretty big impact on the audience. 

Both Taylor and Vanessa are on the ends of the spectrum when it comes to reacting with the abuse given out by Strane. It's more on the physical side for Vanessa, where it's more of the emotional side. Taylor's abuse makes her lash out and seek for justice, while since Vanessa's abuse is more of physical, she might have been led to believe that whatever happened between her and Strane was on her terms and her intentions which makes Vanessa lash out at Taylor for pointing out the obvious. She pretty much has Strane put on a pedestal considering that he's an important factor in his life and Taylor's lashing out threatens to destroy every single image Vanessa has of him.

Henry: Henry is a minor character, but I think he might have been the reason why Vanessa kept going back to Strane. In some way or the other, I think Henry reminded Vanessa of Strane a lot, which ended up causing her going back to him more often than not. In some ways, I did feel like that Henry would have ended up like Strane had not Vanessa set up some boundaries.

3. Couldn't put it down- Ness: 8/10. If I wasn't in a slump it would have been a one sitting read for me.

4. Intellectual Depth: I love the thought process that went behind this book, I really do. I just simply adore it. I think the main point would be how there might be two sides to every situation. Vanessa clearly abused, was apparently brainwashed by Strane into making her believe that everything that had taken place between them was on Vanessa's intent and he made a pretty good job of actually manipulating her. The fact that this book actually talks about how the issue of sexualizing young girls, the way that the #MeToo culture gets opted by the media and is used for clickbait, and the fact that the trauma is minimized so that we can actually cope with it. A lot of books skim past those dark topics and I'm glad this book did not.

5. Plot:  The plot doesn't give much away at the beginning, but as you delve deeper and deeper into the story, you can actually realize how actually messed up the circumstances were. And it's a really gruesome plot if you think about it theme wise. Though there is nothing like gore but the emotional aspect of the plot makes you think. Like really think. Due to my slump this book evoked little emotion in me, but I'm sure its one of those books that will keep wandering in the back of my mind.

OVERALL, A GOOD READ, unless you're triggered by the tags I've mentioned above, I do recommend this book.